Where I’m At Now

Whenever I try to think of a way of writing about my disability, I immediately get overwhelmed because there’s so much I want to communicate – to myself as much as to friends, family, the world. And, you know, I only have so much bandwidth. Like I want to write about ALL THE THINGS.  Every single aspect of my life is dominated by CFS/ME and it’s hard to write or talk about one thing without thinking about how it’s connected to all these other things. So I’m just going to write about where I’m at today and see how that goes.

Today was a good day. I had a Skype session with a tweep (hi Annie!) and it was wonderful. The absolute worst thing about having chronic illness is the loneliness of it. During the winter, I can go days without interacting with a single live human. It’s hard for me to get out of the house and I don’t have any friends in this area who could drop by and visit with me. Thank goodness I have cats. I don’t think I would have survived this long without their companionship.

I got crushed by a wave of depression as the days started getting colder and shorter a month ago, knowing that I was going to face another long, lonely winter. I’ve realized I really need to reevaluate how I communicate with the world. So I asked a couple of tweeps to Skype with me. And I’m going to try to reach out to my real world friends and do more than just Facebook updating. I’m trying to participate more in different online groups like twitter book clubs and movie clubs.  And my parents are going to try to visit me more often. I don’t know. It’s not a perfect system but I’m hopeful that with these strategies this winter will be better than last winter. Wow. That seems way too ambitious.

Let’s just say that because of Annie, today was a better day than yesterday. Today I remembered I was human.

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5 thoughts on “Where I’m At Now

  1. I feel you! I also have CFS/ME and winter can be the worst, but then any season can be the worst when you don’t have the energy to go out and others don’t have the time to visit. It can be hard not to hold it against friends when they flake because for us it is probably our event of the week! Maybe even month or year. Hang in there! The more I reach out the more it pays off.

    I’ve also been trying to learn the skill of calling my friends who aren’t close enough to visit and even the ones who are. And it works!! ❤

    1. Thank you! My situation is exacerbated by the fact that I ended up in Idaho because my parents retired here so I don’t even have friends who are in visiting distance! My life is all virtual, all the time now. 🙂

  2. I too find that isolation is one of the hardest things about being ill. I get one visit a day from an agency carer and though I hate having strangers come into my home, without them the only person I would see in a typical fortnight would be a supermarket delivery driver delivering groceries. I’m glad you’ve thought of ways to try and increase your social contact over the winter and I hope it makes a huge difference for your quality of life.

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