Whenever I try to think of a way of writing about my disability, I immediately get overwhelmed because there’s so much I want to communicate – to myself as much as to friends, family, the world. And, you know, I only have so much bandwidth. Like I want to write about ALL THE THINGS. Every single aspect of my life is dominated by CFS/ME and it’s hard to write or talk about one thing without thinking about how it’s connected to all these other things. So I’m just going to write about where I’m at today and see how that goes.
Today was a good day. I had a Skype session with a tweep (hi Annie!) and it was wonderful. The absolute worst thing about having chronic illness is the loneliness of it. During the winter, I can go days without interacting with a single live human. It’s hard for me to get out of the house and I don’t have any friends in this area who could drop by and visit with me. Thank goodness I have cats. I don’t think I would have survived this long without their companionship.
I got crushed by a wave of depression as the days started getting colder and shorter a month ago, knowing that I was going to face another long, lonely winter. I’ve realized I really need to reevaluate how I communicate with the world. So I asked a couple of tweeps to Skype with me. And I’m going to try to reach out to my real world friends and do more than just Facebook updating. I’m trying to participate more in different online groups like twitter book clubs and movie clubs. And my parents are going to try to visit me more often. I don’t know. It’s not a perfect system but I’m hopeful that with these strategies this winter will be better than last winter. Wow. That seems way too ambitious.
Let’s just say that because of Annie, today was a better day than yesterday. Today I remembered I was human.